Seventeen

Social Networking

Today's topic is a bit controversial. Most people stand solidly on one side or the other, for or against, while some straddle the fence, juggling the pros and cons in the thick air of cyberspace.

I speak, of course, of Facebook.

In the past week, four people (that I can remember) have remarked that I’m “always” on Facebook. The response this elicits in me is sincerely juvenile--I become both defensive and embarrassed. “I’m not always on Facebook,” I apologize, “I just check it whenever I have a few minutes.” This is not the first time I’ve heard such proclamations about my time on the ‘Book. On and off throughout the years, friends both close and not-so-close have commented that I spend a lot of time on the site. Most often, I genuinely feel that I’m not being judged--that they are, for some bizarre reason--impressed at how I spend my time. They comment that I make funny observations, or my friends and family from afar say how happy they are to feel like they’re in touch despite the miles. 

But occasionally, I do feel like I’m being judged a teeny, tiny bit. As though I must not have enough to do in my life or important things to occupy my time. I suppose that’s part of the reason why I get defensive. If I were to be honest, though, it’s not the only reason I quickly respond as such; in truth, I think I have to defend myself from myself. From my own judgment, my own fear that there are a zillion things I could be better doing with my free time. From berating myself that, by focusing my attention on a computer in front of me, I’m not reading, hiking, playing tennis, spending time with my family, walking my dog, writing, or any number of activities that make up the very-favorite-things-of-Tracy. From neglecting real-life humans in favor of invisible ones, devoting more of my wit, love, and even compassion to the people on the screen than I am to those around me (friends, family, dogs). 

Therein lies the rub of social networking in this day and age. How do we stay in touch in a digital age while not losing touch in an actual age? I’m a straddler on that fence, for sure. I’m a Luddite who loves, loves, loves being with, learning from, and connecting with people. What’s a gal like me to do?

The answer may be quite simple. Perhaps it’s just a matter of doing what I feel is right for me. That goes without saying in real-life after all, a rule of thumb that’s been pounded into our brains from the time a parent first muttered, “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?” Going with what feels right to me, without judgment on others (or, heaven forbid, myself) may be just the solution to quiet the dueling should-I-or-shouldn’t-I electronic communication doubts that whisper to me every so often.

For me, this involves setting some rules:

• I will try not to invade my kids’ privacy by posting personal crap about them. They deserve their privacy; having someone’s mom comment on their teenage quirks or silly mistakes invades that privacy and makes them trust me less. I know. I’ve screwed up a few times on this end for sure, and I’m sure I will again. 

• I will put down the phone more, watching, experiencing, being there instead of recording. 

• For me, it’s important to stay positive, so I’ve tried harder and harder to post things that help others feel that way, too. It’s not always easy, and again, I’ve made the mistake of groaning in my status updates, but I want that to be the exception, not the rule.

• I will limit my Facebooking, as a verb, to times when my kids aren’t necessarily around: take a peek around over my morning cup of coffee, or when sitting in a waiting room alone, or when I have a rare five minutes to catch up with peeps electronically.

• I will look at the positives of what other people post: calls for prayers, exciting news, pictures of big events, achievements, honors, and other causes for human connection through the screen.

Because, when all is said and done, I do find more positives than negatives in the Great Facebook Debate. I’m able to hear news that my best friend’s husband’s cancer scans are clear. I see how my friends’ children in California and around the country are growing by the day and embodying the spirits of their parents (whom I miss) in the process. When I’m feeling grumpy, I can watch a damn adorable video of cats and dogs cuddling. I can stay tuned to big goings on in those whose lives I care about, if they're thousands of miles away or just around the corner. I can regularly laugh at my friends’ wit, humor, ironic senses of self and life, and ridiculously funny insights on what it means to be a middle-aged parent, employee, spouse, and friend. After all, I fell in love with Facebook initially when I was on chemotherapy, occasionally homebound and lonely, and people from all over my digital world sent me words and photos full of love and encouragement and humor. They were important to me. They still are. I can feel part of something bigger by remaining tuned in a touch to the Big Blue F.

I can connect. So Facebook, for now, will stay a part of my life. Because for me, that means a bunch of really cool people can, too. That brings me joy and makes me feel the invisible ties that bind a little more deeply. This silly little thing called Facebook may be a passing fad, but for now I’ll enjoy it for what it is: a way to stay in touch in a world (or perhaps a stage of my life?) that doesn’t make a whole lot of time for that any more. Are there negatives? Absolutely. So checks and balances shall and will remain in place. And I will learn to not cringe when “complimented” on my Facebook “prowess.” 

I’ll just be me, enjoying this fun, odd way of maintaining and making friendships. Next post, I’ll talk about some of the amazingly groovy connections Facebook has treated me to. For now, I’ll work on my clever Bachelor insights and look to my friends to do the same.

Reporting live from my living room, I give FB a hearty thumbs up.